Settie now and then

This is me at my peak. But I didn't know it. Back in 2001 this ad was in the Tower Records magazine. I was certain that it was the beginning of the life I had been working on having for the previous 16 years. All the touring back and forth across the country for 6 years playing over 150 colleges every year. All the N.A.C.A. conferences, music festivals and Ski resorts. The Summer gigs. . . Martha's Vineyard and Cape Cod. The private parties for the people that knew us from playing their college. The fan mail. I figured all that work and all those years had paid off.
The story kinda goes. . . we were signed to Iguana records then picked up by Tower. Photo shoots with gay guys doing my makeup. Stripping down to my bare ass for outfit changes in the middle of Grand Central Station during the rush of Thanksgiving travellers while the crew held up blankets for my privacy. Huge posters of ME on the wall at HMV next to Lenny Kravitz. It was fucking awesome. I figured it was just the beginning and I would be the next Sheryl Crow. They even said it. Movie Soundtracks, T.V shows and radio interviews.
It now represents to me the half way mark, the time where my life was flipped over. First half kick ass Rock Star chick. Second half new mom and grieving over the loss of her best friend and music partner trying to figure out who the fuck she is. I'm not saying the first half is better but I only have 7 years on this side of that flip.
Excuse me, I must go to the door right now because UPS is dropping off packages. I still shop like a rock star. That is one thing I haven't been able to let go of. Even the Wellbutrin doesn't touch my compulsive spending on expensive wrinkle products, shampoos and clothing. The Wellbutrin (started after suicide attempt years ago) and the compulsion (sex back in the day, spending and any other goddamn thing I got into my tweaked head) are topics for another day.
Since this whole page magazine ad came out Tower Records has folded and their record label 33rd Street has also left us all behind. One of the dudes from the Eagles was also on this label and we opened up for him in L.A. somewhere. Don't remember much about it. That seems to be the case for things that do not WOW me. But I do remember my first love, Joel Micucci, walking on stage and introducing us to the crowd. I must have told him about the show. He was and still is a comedian and Improv actor. Now one has to buy the 2001 "debut" of Settie from one of those music websites that buys up all the old shit. It's not a fucking debut either. We, Brian Fellows and I, had put out three c.d.'s on our own and made thousands of dollars in the previous years selling them from the stage. I mean cash rolled up and stuffed in the glove box and in the 30 year Glenfiddich box with crystal rocks glasses under the seat. So much money it didn't matter if I spent $1000 on custom made leather pants or $90 for a bottle of wine with LUNCH. This went on for years before the labels got involved. Once again another story for those of you who do not know how the music business works.
Well that part of my life ended when the label folded and my music partner/best friend was dying of cancer. It all happened so fast. And in that spiral of time I left my boyfriend and met my husband and got pregnant and moved to Wellfleet. Compulsion has a bit to do with that.
I recently went on one of those music dumping ground websites and I spent $50 on 15 of my c.d.'s. I still have the need to give them out and live in the past.
The reason I am starting this Blog is probably to stroke my Ego or maybe it's to heal the hole in my fucking heart by writing about all the things that only Brian and I know. I feel invisible in this half of my life ( really pathetic to say when I have my own business now, a family and friends I love here) but when someone on facebook sends me a friend request with "are you the Settie that played my college back in blah blah blah" in the subject box my something in me comes alive again. How pathetic. I still feel like a new born fawn wobbling around looking for applause. I go to a shrink now. Well I should say again. I basically get my script filled and check in now. I would like to think that writing about my shit will be some therapy for me. I must thank Sarah Hutto for telling me to do this.
Excuse me I must go pick up Ella Mae from school.